It Aint a Diet

Just because someone is busy does not mean they are productive. In fact, people are who highly productive are actually less likely to be overworked and overwhelmed.

It is easy to feel that life is on top of us and we are not on top of life, which leads to feelings of being out of control and unproductive. Often times, the clock is what makes us feel that we are always behind. Stop allowing the clock to govern your life! If you are not using some type of daily planning system then start now. Some people like writing in a day planner and some like to use phones, computers, tablets, etc. Either way, the focus of daily planning is to empower you to become more productive and in control of that which you can control. Yes, you can control some events in life!

 What is important to include in your daily planning?

1. Put the important items down first and let everything else follow. If exercise is something you believe to be important in your life then do not plan everything else in your day and see where exercise can fit in. If time with your family is important then put it down first. Do not just wait for the most important things to happen.
2. Make a list of things you would like to accomplish each day. Keep this list nearby so that when you are tempted to blow off some time playing Angry Birds. If you did not accomplish it today reassess it for tomorrow. Notice all you have accomplished at the end of the day. Do not be afraid to give yourself some credit for the work you have done!
3. Plan for unstructured time. Not every moment of everyday has to be all business. Plan time on there that will allow you to relax. It is perfectly acceptable to write on your planner that you are going to relax for some time in the evening. This is quite liberating!                Today is a good time to decide to stop letting days just happen and hope for the best. Now is the perfect time to be more productive. Distractions are more abundant and enticing these days. Allow yourself time to be distracted but also plan time to be more productive. The more you plan your time the less you will fear time and dislike the clock.

I often hear people I meet in public make comments such as, “Yeah, plenty of crazy people to keep you in business.” It is obvious that people really don’t mean any harm in making these comments, however, it only stigmatizes what can be very healing and powerful. 

Almost daily, I am amazed by how strong people are, and I am saying this after seeing people show me their biggest, darkest flaws. I truly believe that those who are willing to engage in therapy are strong. It is not selfish, it is not a sign of weakness, it is not for those who cannot handle life. 

So, here is what engaging in therapy shows me about he/she who sitting across from me:

Taking the step to pick up the phone, or send an email is an act of bravery. Not knowing if the person on the other end of the line is going to judge you or reinforce your already negative self-concept is a scary first step. 

Searching for professional help with personal struggles can be scary because you are acknowledging weaknesses. You are saying I cannot fix this problem and now people are hearing you say this. However, continuing to hide the problem and let it prevent you from achieving your optimal level of happiness/ability is the weakness that is most harmful. Admitting that we have imperfections, depression, anxiety, fears, and so forth is simply stating that we are human. In no way, does this mean you are crazy or insane. 

Stepping into a therapy session creates a certain level of vulnerability, which is actually an essential part of therapy. Though graduate schools do not make therapists/psychologist go through their own therapy (which I think is absolutely absurd and arrogant), I felt it was important to work through any of my baggage that would interfere with my client’s work. Engaging in therapy for me led to a great sense of vulnerability. However, as I saw the compassion and empathy that the therapist had for me was healing. It was like emptying my bucket of all my worst fears and someone letting me know I would make it through. Was it somewhat nerve racking? Yes! Was it necessary? Absolutely! Engaging in therapy means you are willing to look at yourself and let down your wall, or defensiveness against yourself. This process can actually give you more compassion and understanding towards those who are struggling.

Becoming aware of your limitations allows your move past them. Coping skills  only last so long, it is important to find the root of problems and remove them, which allows you to build new memories and write new stories! 

Feeling stuck is awful…. we have all been there. The more we avoid the human condition means the more we experience unpleasant feelings/thoughts. Furthermore,as  we avoid moving through our baggage (remember we all have it) we neglect the ability that we all have to heal and become stronger. So, if you are contemplating therapy and are thinking you are weak for doing so… I simply invite you to think twice. Just the thought that you might want to start therapy is a sign that you are strong… you are willing to face your fears and become even stronger. Also, remember… therapy is not just looking at weaknesses… it is just as much about magnifying and generalizing your strengths! 

April 20- 100K C.U.R.E. Chatfield State Park, Colorado. This is a very flat 62 miles ran on some decent trail. I will be shooting for an ambitious time on this one, hmmmm 10ish hours. We shall see! 

 Both the Big Horn and Bear are qualifiers for Hardrock 100. I entered the Hardrock 100 lottery this year and no luck at all. So, hopefully in the next few years I will get the chance to dance with the big one. It is important to take each race as it is my only race of the year and enjoy it. I truly enjoy the races… even when I look completely toasted… there is some kind of enjoyment there, I promise The day I don’t enjoy racing is the day I stop. I hope that is not time soon as I have several years before I hit my prime!! 

 Happy running everyone! Please, look for our giveaways this year… we will be putting together some good stuff… if you know what I mean ( I don’t even know what I mean so good luck)!  

Disappointing, disappointing, disappointing! Okay, we have turned a crazy and ridiculous page in the world of psychology/psychiatry. Let’s go ahead and diagnose temper tantrums as a mental illness, really? So, here is what you need to know…

The American Psychiatric Association has approved the DSM V, which is the updated version of mental health diagnoses. There are some good changes in this but some really absurd changes, as well. Specifically, they have added the diagnosis of Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder. The hope of adding this diagnosis is to move clinicians away from inappropriately diagnosing Bipolar disorder in children. Okay, I get that clinicians need to cool it on throwing around such a serious diagnosis but that is not grounds to diagnose temper tantrums. 

Seriously, Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder states , …”diagnose children who exhibit persistent irritability and frequent episodes of behavior outbursts three or more times a week for more than a year.” ( copied from: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/12/02/final-dsm-5-approved-by-american-psychiatric-association/) My concern is that children’s behavior that will either go away with maturity or reduced through improved parenting strategues will be chalked up to a mental disorder. What does that mean? Another label and medication. Giving someone more reason to prescribe unnecessary medication to children is inappropriate and maybe even reckless. 

A friend and colleague, Chris Keenan, MD refers to working on problems as doing the “heavy lifting.” This is what parents and mentors of children ought to consider… don’t just drug up your child because there is now a diagnosis for it. If a parent is struggling with tantrums and behavior outbursts then help is close to you!!! At the same time, I do not want minimize that some children do need medication for actual mental health problems… but this should be a rarity. 

If you are a clinician I invite you to carefully consider the negative effects of using this new diagnosis. If you are parent and a professional tells you this is the disorder that describes your child’s behavior, get a second opinion. 

Our youth are amazing! I work daily with young people and am convinced that they are far beyond us. Mistakenly, young people are labeled as irresponsible, immature, and so on… I think this is false! Our youth are quick witted, wise, intelligent, and powerful. Many simply want to be heard, many are lost in the shadows of over-scheduled parents, and many are curious about life. They NEED OUR FOCUS! I have been disgusted by such passionate opinion sharing on the fiscal cliff, fracking, border control, animal rites, global warming,etc…

I am convinced that if we started questioning our decisions, specifically how our decisions affect the current and future well being of our children we would be in an overall much better spot!  So, this is my 2013 resolution.

I will start with my personal, professional, and other private decisions. I will strive to always ask myself and others involved how will each decision influence our children. When I say OUR children I mean any young person! I am excited to see how this changes my views. I am a dreamer, I know that. But, I am not afraid to stand for something in which I believe. I hope others will just start to question a bit more and eventually this will be discussed more often. This will strengthen parents relationships, which is the backbone of our society. The young people need our time. I believe it is inappropriate and selfish to talk about how “unfair” things are, however, when it comes to children it is unfair when we don’t consider them in all our decision making. Here is to 2013!

So often I hear, “ Ahh… it is not that bad of a  movie… just has some violence but nothing sexual.” Sadly, I have said this exact statement in the past, and I have learned a little bit since!

I presented some research at the American Psychological Association (APA) annual conference a few years ago about the amount of aggression found in commercials during primetime hours on main televisions stations (i.e. Fox, CBS, ABC, NBC). The data shocked me…. Violence has flooded our media and we seem to justify it. After all, it is not sex… it’s JUST violence, right? WRONG!!!!

We are becoming a desensitized generation.  

 I am writing this at this specific time because of the recent acts of horrifying violence we have seen here in Colorado and across the United States. As a mental health professional I get several questions of “What can we do as parents to prevent this?” I want to make my response more available and clear….

Let’s take a stand now! This is what I call “Project ENGAGE!”

 1.Enlist. Defined as: To engage the support or cooperation of; To participate actively in a cause or enterprise. The key words in these definitions are ENGAGE, SUPPORT, PARTICIPATE, and ACTIVELY. There is nothing passive about responsible parenting. Our children are our responsibility. We are to support our children monetarily, but more importantly they need our support emotionally and spiritually. We need to participate in our children’s lives. This does not mean show up at little league baseball games and yell at the referee. In contrast, this means we are to know what they are learning at school, who are their friends. Talk with the parents of your child’s friends. Participate in their goals.

It is imperative that we sit down with our children on a regular basis and set goals together. Follow up on these goals and ask your child how you can help them achieve their goals. Yes, I am recommending that you set up 1:1 interviews with your children!

Becoming enlisted in our children’s lives will increase self-esteem, open up channels of communication, and move our children in a direction of positive productivity. Be actively aware of, and involved with, your child’s desires, progress, and struggles.

 2.No more justification of violence. You will never regret limiting the shows, movies, and games to which your children are exposed. We live in a time where watching each other beat the crap out of one another creates a huge market. There is a difference between learning self defense skills and beating someone down for money or entertainment.

 3. Go outside. Look at these people who have participated in violence… most seem to have isolated themselves and spent far too many hours behind doors. It is important for children to spend time outside playing and running around. You need that time outside, as well! If you feel like it is too unsafe for your child to play outside then go out with them. If you say you don’t have time for that then you might want to step back a re-prioritize your lifeJ

 4. Ask questions. Please, do not underestimate the negative power of bullying. I would encourage every parent to ask direct questions, such as, “ has anyone called you mean names” “has anyone pushed/shoved you” “do people not let you play”. Some might consider these questions as babying your child… absolutely not. It is important that we eliminate bullying in our schools and society. The best way to do this is start with individual conversations with our children. If your child is being bullied do not just pull them from school…. Keep them in school but go straight to the Principal! Teachers truly want the best for our children… any help we can give them is greatly appreciated! Also, ask your child questions if someone is touching their private areas. Ask these questions very frequently. They need to know they have someone to talk to… and it should be you!

 5. Get rid of most video games! Yes, I know I will get some heat for saying that…and I invite any feedback J I would suggest that video games are distorting the reality of our children’s views of the world. You cannot fight the research that indicates how video games desensitize us to violence. They devalue the worth of every human being on this earth. If there is any bit of violent and/or sexual behavior in a game then get rid of it. I would go as far as to suggest that getting rid of game systems in the home would do you a favor…. If not, then limit time spent on these machines. I am sorry but there is a huge difference between “playing” bowling on the wii and actually going to the bowling ally with some friends. We need to be out doing things and not virtually doing things. It is the experiences we have, whether they are virtual or real life, that influence our values, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

 6. Enhance your interactions! Our children need one-on-one time. They need us to get down and play with them. Watching movies together is not a bad thing… but is it the best thing to do regularly? Ask yourself if your time could be better spent doing something else. Enhancing the quality of your interactions with your children takes more energy, but don’t you think it is worth it?

 I know that parents of these people who have done very violent crimes are not necessarily the one’s at fault. However, I do believe that we, as parents, can do more to give an honest effort to prevent the ones we love from becoming full of hatred. Children must be at the center of our families and society. We have become a very self-serving and self-centered society, which involves hyperfocusing on our own career development and leaving the social, emotional, and spiritual developmental of our children left in the shadows of temporary professional success. We can not make decisions for people but we can influence how people feel and think, thus, influencing how they use their agency. If we are actively ENGAGED with our children, we can help increase our children’s self-esteem, regard for others, and positive choices. Lastly, if there is just even a bit of violence…. Turn it off and get engaged in something positive!!!

The thought of waking up at 2am three years ago to go on a trail run was in no way even a thought of a thought. That is just the beginning!!! I have learned that we, as humans, are meant to move. No, I am not just referring to physical movement… I am referring to life in general is not meant for stagnation. Let me be clear, I am not saying that moments sitting still in silent reflection are bad. So, what do these random comments have to do with the past 3 years of my life.

I was comfortable with mediocrity and that is scary. Not saying that I have to better than other people, because I am not. What I am thinking is that pushing myself to grow spiritually, professionally, as a father/husband, and athletically are key. In my own transformation and working with others, I have learned that each domain in my life is important. My whole purpose is to build a strong home that is a refuge for my wife and children. Thus, everything else I do should support that effort. So, how does focusing on losing 150lbs and running 100 miles have anything to do with my main purpose?

My transformation over the last 3 years has pushed me to gain a small glimpse into the human potential, which has given me an even smaller glimpse into our eternal potential. Pushing myself to run 100 miles, or I mean 113 , has taught me much about our ability to endure. Yes, it is always easy to find a different way out of hard things, but I think it is imperative that being comfortable in uncomfortable situations! In fact, finding too much comfort is dangerous. I would even venture to say when one is very comfortable in life then future potential is minimized. Comfortableness is not equivalent to joy. Movement forward is key! Just as I find while running a 100 mile race, I cannot sit for too long and do nothing. When I sit in an endurance race there must be a purpose (i.e. refuel, restructure race plan, enjoy a moment in mountains, breathe). Life is the same, when I sit down there must be a purpose. However, if I sit too long in a race the lactic acid and motivation become a problem. If I sit too much in life the comfort creeps into to me just like the lactic acid and creates a sense of complacency that can be a huge impediment to progression.

I was happy three years ago but I am even happier today. I feel that when I couple my personal prayer/scripture study with a nice run to follow I am able to truly reflect on very personal thought! I do not need music… my thoughts entertain me enough. Before my transformation I did not give myself proper time to be with my own thoughts. It is so easy to avoid personal thought, but this only leads to superficial thought and emotion. Furthermore, the people I have met through trail running are amazing. Some are of my same religion and some don’t believe in a God. That being said… each running friend has been a great friend and made me a better person no matter religious beliefs!!!

Learning to listen to my body has been amazing. I have not weighed in since my last doctor check up. By the way, my doc said I do not need to come back for another 4-5 years for a wellness check Anyway, I eat as I feel I need fuel. I enjoy my fuel but my fuel does not determine my emotion and make up for negative emotion.

What it all comes down to is I feel like I have learned more about the many blessings that have been given and are still to come. I believe I was given a body to progress and help others progress. My relationship with my wife and children has only become stronger… not because I lost weight, but because I have learned in a new way that I can take control of what I am doing and where I am going. My focus has increased and my ability to have sustained energy has nearly doubled. Not much seems overwhelmingly scary because I know that if adequate effort put forth then much can be accomplished. It is foolish to say that I do not consider the negative, however, I am much more focused on why, and how, something can work. I am much more focused on proving things right, instead of proving things wrong… and that is an empowering paradigm! I am not obsessed with striving to have a nice body, rather I am interested in what will help me be healthy husband, father, provider, friend, and servant! Healthy to me is very dynamic…. emotions, body, mind, spirituality are not separate! Each component needs proper attention.